Why Divorce Could Be the Wife’s Fault

When a divorce hits, we can be quick to jump the conclusion that somehow or another, the man screwed up. What we are so eager to forget is that marriage is a two person system: more than one person is involved, and the sole responsibility of holding a solid marriage together does not fall entirely on one. As quick as society can be to judge the man, there are plenty of times when the woman is just as much to blame.

Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus

Remember the old saying, “Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus”? Whether through brain chemistry or societal programming, men and woman process things on different wavelengths. Woman desire intimacy over all else. Men ask for respect, success and sex. The overall goal is the same: a happy marriage. How they get there depends. Just because a woman does not recognize a man’s attempts to make her happy does not mean he isn’t trying; she doesn’t recognize his efforts. Try looking at things from a different perspective, see where he is coming from, and compliment his efforts even if they are not the most successful. Failing to do so leaves seeds of resentment and insecurity.

Turning off Work Mode

Women heading into the workplace changed the nature of marriage and family in modern times, but what women sometimes fail to do is turn off work mode when they come home. Understandably so, it has been a hard long fight to get the respect they deserve in an area dominated by men, but no one likes to feel their marriage is a job. If you resort to treating the man of your house more like an employee rather than a partner, he may start “job searching”.

Too Controlling

The worst choice a woman can make in an attempt to persuade or control her husband is withhold sex. Men regard sex with the same important women do small actions of affection. It fulfills certain needs, brings a person closer to their partner. If a husband is no longer getting sex from his wife, he is left to discern there is no more intimacy to be had.

If you are considering divorce, ask yourself this: why are you divorcing? Does he hit you? Is he abusive, a drinker, an addict? If so, there is no question. But if the answer is something else, something small, like leaving his underwear on the floor, are you really willing to dissolve a marriage with someone you love as insignificant as boxers?

A woman can harp on the inability of her man to change, but what about her? What changes has she made? Has she truly done everything in her power to fix things? Try a different method of talking. Don’t cloud messages in innuendo, just tell him flat out. If you have an issue with his lack of help around the house, change how you do the chores to get his attention. You cannot change people, but you can change your response to it and, in turn, his.

Derek enjoys blogging about relationship issues and marriage. When he is not blogging, he enjoys spending time with his wife and family.